Wednesday, April 23, 2008

I have a few questions, maybe even some answers

Now that I think of it, there are a few things that I want to get off my chest, and a few comments/thoughts that I thought I'd share:
My BFF told me the other day that she had read an article that said that guys don't realise when a woman is openly flirting with them and giving them the come-on, that they are supposed to respond in kind, apparently this goes straight over their poor little heads, however, when a woman is friendly and open and natural with a man, this they take to be heavy-duty flirting and think that the poor girl is just dying for their bods. Now how in the world am I supposed to cope with that piece of information.
Then there are the people that say things like: "you should really start dating again/ Why don't you find someone and settle down/Don't you want to be married again?". Now how in hell am I supposed to find this "someone". I'm too old for clubs, too young for bowls and trawling the pubs for alcoholics isn't really all it's cracked up to be. Then, of course, there is the question of my invisibility; Harry Potter isn't the only kid on the block with an invisibility cloak. The difference is that I don't need to put mine on. Apparently it's a permanent fixture on a woman of a certain age. Or is my mirror lying to me and I'm so ugly that they just aren't going to ask me out ever!. Of course, I could find myself a feller on the Internet, except I have met one or two of them - I had to change my name, move to a different town and learn to deal with stalkers - those chaps are, in the main, pretty odd. Or I could date those 26 year-olds who leer at me longingly, who think I will pick up the tab for dinner before I take them home to my bed and ravish the living daylights out of them, all the while giving them tips on technique and such.
Changing the subject, why on earth do people crawl up the centre lane of Eastern Boulevard in the morning at 50km/hr and then when you change to the left hand lane to get past them (the right hand lane being the domain of the crazed Cape Town minibus taxi drivers and not safe for anyone except those chaps with stainless steel balls in their Mercedes Benzes and BMW's) they speed up to 120km/hr and try to cut in front of you in the left hand lane?
Here's a thought, how come smokers get paid the same salary as I do, but they spend 10 to 20 minutes every hour on the balcony smoking whilst I work? How do they get their work done? Why can't I stand on the balcony and gaze into the middle distance for 10 minutes every hour without being challenged by some busybody manager?
Why do I compulsively answer all emails practically as they enter my inbox, whilst the recipients of my emails ignore me for days?
Meh? Should I care about any of this? Should you care?
One last question, why do I always fall asleep during the tv programmes I want to watch but stay awake during those long and boring shows on how the British Army counted grains of sand in the desert during WW2?

Now what shall I do with this damn thing

I'm sitting here staring at the screen of my computer thinking absolutely nothing - which is scary because usually my head is filled with all sorts of random crap which might or might not amuse you. But today, absolutely nothing. Zip, zilch, nada, niks nie!
To add to the empty head, someone somewhere in the office is having a birthday and there is this loud bunch of ladies (the men have hidden away - they don't do singing) singing happy birthday to you and all sorts of free-form additional verses about God blessing the birthday girl/boy with all sorts of good stuff. I could give a crap! Bah humbug - the quack who treats my chronic fatigue syndrome (I'm pretty sure it's body weariness from too many years of hardcore smoking and parties and having an A-type personality - or else it's terminal boredom) won't allow me to eat cake so I could care less that there's a birthday going on here.
Ah hell, turns out it's one of our little learners (we have a training scheme here for post-matrics) and he's turning 21 and I wished him happy birthday and gave him one of my best twinkling smiles - you know the kind - with little stars that gleam in my green eyes and all my straight white teeth gleaming and blinking in the sunlight - totally false - but he'd never know that. Apparently I twinkle when I smile - it's a defense mechanism - if the recipients knew what a cynical grudge I really am they'd have the sense to run and keep going till they couldn't see me for dust.
So this unimaginative, dull, unhelpful load of bollocks is my first attempt at a blog. There was I hoping to rise to the occasion with social comment and wit that would fill you with hope for the future and wisdom for the day. Instead all I can think about is: will the hummus (made it myself), carrots, apple and 3 dry rye Finn Crisps (mmm I wonder if they will pay me for the free advertising) is going to cheer me up enough to get me through the afternoon. Did I mention my job is incredibly trying and I'm becoming world class at work evasion techniques?