Saturday, March 7, 2009

Here's some stuff that's on my mind


For quite some time I have simply had nothing worthwhile to say. Also I am somewhat nervous of offending those so sensitive that even though they remain nameless in this space they feel the whole world is watching their every move when I comment on their behaviours when they tick me off. But that having been said - here are a few bah humbugs that I can't resist (sorry for offending those more sensitive souls, but frankly I could not care less):

Why do fat people amble from side to side, rocking, very slowly, when they are walking down St George's Mall. Or for that matter any main thoroughfare in Cape Town? Their slow, rolling, amble is in direct proportion to the hurry I am in to get to my lunch spot. They become correspondingly slower the later I am to get back to the office. And why do they hang out in sludgy, rambling groups of at least 3 which leaves the only part of the pavement free the bit which has broken paving stones, red and white police tape (why is that there anyway), large dongas, or an old lady with a zimmer frame and similar ankle-wrenching, progress-preventing obstacles.

Which leads me to my second grouch - why is our office clock set 4 minutes fast, yet I can only leave for lunch at 1.00pm on my watch but must return at 2.00pm on the office clock?

Which does a neat tango into - why is my boss' daughter such an unmitigated, miserable bitch with serious anger-control issues and such poor interpersonal skills at the age of 30? Also, and I only ask this because she believes she has vastly superior intelligence to the rest of us mortals, how can she believe that we fall for her food poisoning stories, when we all hear her arranging her booze-ups and parties in tones usually reserved for regimental sergeant majors bawling out raw recruits on the parade ground. Some of us have seen her drink, she'd be lucky to have food poisoning - it'd surely be less painful than the hangovers she must suffer. On the topic of her telephone voice - is it possible for someone who has grown up in the era of cellphones to believe that she needs to bellow like a deaf old fart when she's having one of her multiple daily personal phone calls. We wouldn't mind, except she drips this fake syrup over all her conversations reminding me of Cruella DeVille trying to charm a puppy into the limo (only louder and less convincing). Naturally, no work is possible during these calls based on the brain freezing, mind numbing noise - and the lack of worthy content. Of course, we are all not permitted to make, receive or even consider personal calls even if it's to call the Fire Department to hear whether they have successfully extinguished the blaze that used to be one's home. She then commands poor, long-suffering daddy to go and stand by the miscreants desk and hover there till they finish this rule-breaking, commerce threatening 3 minute call. It's a good thing I'm a world champion at anger management and self-control or I'd have knocked her silly Olive Oyl head off it's block - so far so good......watch this space ....I could be looking to borrow bail money soon.

Did I mention that I count people's toes? Oh yes for the slower ones amongst you - I just changed the subject. So did I? Well I do. I don't know why I do it but I have done this since I was in my early teens. It's possibly part of my mildly compulsive nature, I'm not sure, but it has been interesting and scary but I can't stop. For example, you'd be surprised how many people have six toes on each foot. Less people only have four toes on one or both feet. Many people have very ugly feet (not really their fault - this can happen to anybody) but why do so few people realise that if they must wear sandals, then a basic requirement should be clean, neatly-trimmed toe nails, scrubbed heels and if they want to wear nail polish on their toenails (men or women - I don't wish to appear in the least bit sexist) please, puleeeze, take it off when it chips!

Here's the odd thing - if a man has feet I find unattractive, I am totally turned off him physically and just can't bear to have any part of his foot touch me (really, any part of anything attached to his foot either - like legs, butts, luncheon meat, hips...etc,etc - you're getting this anyway - I don't have to labour the issue).

And lastly, ok it's hardly the last thing I'm going to grumble about, but lastly for today, Saturday, 7th March 2009 - Why do Capetonian pedestrians stand and stare at the little green man at the traffic lights like it's a martian, but when the lights are NOT in their favour, they step boldly into the traffic straight into the path of oncoming cars and don't even flinch at the squealing of tyres etc. Why do they cross all roads as if they have a death wish? I'd like to oblige them, but I hate the sound of bones cracking and skin splitting, and I am trying to preserve my no-claims bonus. Not to mention it could really put a damper on the rest of this otherwise interesting life knowing that I have, in all innocence, squooshed a pedestrian.

11 comments:

kyknoord said...

Tough questions, all. I have one of my own: does it feel better to get it off your chest, or does it simply serve to focus the irritation? Either way, I have sent you a picture that I drew of a frog. I hope it cheers you up.

Charmskool said...

Kyk,I guess it just focuses my irritation - it sure didn't help to get it off my chest. I still feel fairly homicidal ire about my boss' daughter and I nearly got knocked down by a motorist going through a red light on Friday - he did wave apologetically tho', so now I have a question about the drivers who think red lights are an optional extra and subject to choice.

angel said...

heh heh, you certainly make it worth the read when you do come back!
i count the letters in the words i am saying... often repeating the sentence in my head over and over and counting the letters in groups of 2 or 3 or 5 until i can finish the sentence with no leftover letters...

Charmskool said...

Angel you make me feel much better about my toe counting. At least I generally only have to count to twelve max. Although I also have a habit of saying words backwards, which seems to annoy everyone a little (actually a lot) - ah the joys of compulsion.

hairtoday said...

your boss's daughter.......argh!!!! Jesus, I feel your pain with regard to nepotism in the workplace. Have you thought about revenge tactics yet?

Charmskool said...

Ah DBAWIW how do you take revenge against nepotism? The upside is she's good at her job so at least she's not completely frustrating, but she's spoiled and snobbish and self-indulgent and rude and all the other things that kids become when their parents give them anything they want to make up for the fact that they aren't that good at parenting.

Miss T said...

now with that all of your chest ..feeling better?

hairtoday said...

Ms Charm, did you moderate my comment into oblivion? And i didn't even swear at you, I just politely requested another post.
harumph!

Charmskool said...

Awk! I didn't mean to moderate you into oblivion - just loaded something called Google Chrome and lost contact with my blog for a while there...DBAWIW I will get back to blogging - just as soon as I eat my dinner and have a bath and sleep a bit - I may be mildly depressed - have a serious long-term attack of the blahs.

Slyde said...

here i finally find your blog, only to see you havent posted in months...

:(

The Levi Store, "My Secret Diary" said...

I think you need to get blogging again! You also need a stiff............................................................ Dop!
Dont worry about issues and opinions. yOU have a lot to offer!