Thursday, June 19, 2008

Dear Diary I had oats for breakfast

I am not a proponent of the dear diary type blog - I suppose it is mean to say this, but I am of the opinion that most of us are not the least bit interested if you had boiled lambs' tongues for dinner last night and gave your boyfriend a blow job of epic proportions. Listing all the tv programs you watched and your favourite pizza flavours may be a thrill for you but I am waiting to be charmed not lobotomised. You may rate your day as being totally newsworthy but really - no real interest happening here dahling.
But there are days when it really is just too hard to think of something scintillating to say so you are stuck with my day thus far.
I fell asleep on the couch last night and forgot to go to bed. Well, I didn't forget, so much as neglect, to go to bed. It's all the fault of Eskom - they keep insisting we turn off all uneccessary lights and I did just that which left me in the dark on the couch and snoozing turned into the next morning. I have to say, in my defence, Wednesday night tv, including DSTV is Dire! I would rather have tea with my MD than stay awake through that.
Then I woke up more confused than normal (my Maltese was sleeping on my head) and found that I had overslept for an hour and a half. Nonetheless, I fed my dogs, gave my parrot his share of parroty treats and made my oats with seeds and raisins as if I had all day. And I made myself a nice cheese sandwich with fresh bread. I just don't do hurried. I was late for work and had to sneak in on the slipstream of the tea lady's trolley. It was undignified and uncomfortable and I bumped into my manager who gave me the speculative look of a boss who's planning your next performance appraisal. Aw shit - yet another 3.5 and no increase ahead.
When I got to my desk, someone had raided my coffee pot and there was only one cup of coffee left for me. My coffee pot people! Raided and left almost empty. This day has been going downhill steadily since last night!
To add to all this sad horribleness is the fact that my office is situated next to the stoep/balcony/veranda where the smokers go to smoke. This "office" is a well-lit all glass, fishbowl and has the most powerful air conditioning unit in the building with only one temperature - winter or summer - freezing. The fresh air intake for this aircon - you guessed it - is just above the smokers balcony. So by lunchtime my eyes are watering, my nose is running and I have a sore throat and smoking headache and eyes like a serious ganja queen. Today, it's raining and cold and wet on the smokers' balcony. This is no form of deterrent for smokers; so, in and out they go like a tinkers whatsit (there goes another as I write this) and every time they open the door all the papers on my desk lift and flap and land on the floor. I have on a suede jacket, a woolly scarf, a sweater, a cardigan, thick socks and a rain hat! Plus this mornings original sweater and skirt and boots underneath all that. I meant to wear something else, but the something else seems to have shrunk! I plan on taking some of this clothing off when I go to my car - I'll be a bit warm in the outdoors.
At lunch, my hurriedly made sandwich fell apart and the cheese landed on the floor.
I forgot to say: on the way to the office from my car this morning my expensive umbrella blew inside out and my hair got soaked - now it has the frizzies and for some reason my knee hurts. I probably injured my knee creeping through the reception behind the tea trolley.
I could manage this all with my usual Charmy calm - but my faithful Principessa is going out to dinner and won't be meeting me after work for our usual post work drinkies so I'll have to deal with my depression sober.
So I'm off home shortly (I plan on sneaking out behind one of the fat girls - some of them are double-wides) and I'm going to take drugs! and drink a lot! so there.......

14 comments:

Betenoir said...

Puh-lease. You do this all the time. And Lola sleeps on your head semi-regularly.

if you need someone to spit bile at your co-workers for stealing your coffee, you knows I gots yo back.

Tamara said...

Sounds like you had a really good day. I knew someone who died of lung cancer, never having smoked a day of her life, becuase of the office aircon. You should tell management that story and that you plan to sue them for damages if it happens to you. Maybe they'll make a plan. Then again, maybe they'd just fire you. Scratch that idea.

K.M. said...

I don't think I've ever worn as much clothing at one time, as you did yesterday...even when I was on an Austrian mountain in winter.

"Accidentally" lock the coffee thieves and smokers out on the balcony...you may need to buy and Ipod and blinkers to pull off the "I didn't see or hear you" excuse.

Charmskool said...

Bete I usually go to bed in the middle of the night but this time I just didn't wake up - it is very confusing.
Tamara - I think I'll have to wait till I have the lung cancer before I sue them - any threats now may end my career - what with my lousy timekeeping.

Charmskool said...

DBAWIW I looked like a woolly mammoth! As for locking them out there, one of their own did that to them yesterday by mistake. I became intensely involved in my telephone and my computer and turned my back on the windows despite the banging on the glass behind me. Unfortunately a passerby let them back in - they were all wet and cross, such a pleasure to watch. I hope one of them was the coffee thief!

Sweets said...

mwhahahahahahahaha you are one funny chick!

double wide girls LOL... eina :)

well i'm glad to report that life can only get better from here on... i mean honestly... i think you've had your share of bad luck :)

Charmskool said...

Sjoe Sweets you really don't know just how bad a day it was. I got my skirt wet getting into my car (I was busy doing a stranger flirt with the guy in the next car) and sat there giving off steam all the way home. My dog knocked my dinner off the table and I would have been miserable, but my kid brother and I had a glass of red wine to celebrate his birthday (which is today) before I went home so I felt no pain about it. I fell asleep on the couch again and woke up with the dog on my head this morning! Ouch and it all started again. Thank Haysoos for Fridays.

kyknoord said...

Do you know where I can find a recipe for boiled lambs tongues?

Charmskool said...

Kyk I will gladly let you have my friend Principessa's recipe for boiled lambs tongues - it's an old family recipe - I believe they are a family of Italian witches or something and lambs tongues are an essential ingredient for a number of their potions.

strega said...

Laur, I told...sabotage the door! This calls for revenge of the frizzyhaired person

Charmskool said...

Assunta - I would sabotage the door in an instant, except, have you ever tried to get between a smoker and their cigarettes? It's dangerous and could backfire. I plan on using a more sneaky attack - perhaps sending chemists bills for asthma pumps and face masks to our accounts department for payment authorisation; that should get some attention.

Unknown said...

Very funny post.

Charmskool said...

Hi Billy - thank you for the compliment

AngelConradie said...

omg my blog must be boring in EPIC proportions for you then!!!